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Blog 5: My top 5 favourite fridge magnets!

There are so many fridge magnets out there that make you cry or laugh out loud, smile to yourself and buy for your best friends/sister/mother - but here are my top 5:

1. “I’m still hot, it just comes in flushes now” - in other words – MENOPAUSE!

2. “I try to watch what I eat…. but I’m not fast enough” – in other words - Chocolate and the only perfect remedy for the first issue!

3. “Would you like to speak to the man in charge, or the woman who knows what’s happening?” – in other words – Men and why don’t they ever listen?

I think there’s a theme developing here!

4. “I’m on the gin and tonic diet – so far I’ve lost two days!” – enough said!

5. “I used to have a handle on life, but it broke” – as a post-menopausal woman careering towards 60 years old with the brakes on full, always battling my weight and gin intake, this is my personal favourite!

I love fridge magnets and all manner of witty sayings and quotes. Sometimes they are funny, sometimes pithy and sometimes poignant and I have a growing collection of them. They used to adorn the front of the fridge-freezer when it resided in the utility room at No.9 but then we had a new kitchen and the fridge freezer got incorporated into a cupboard and now the poor neglected magnets live in a jar.

So last week, while looking for something completely different, I came across said jar and took the magnets out to read. I spent a happy half an hour reading and laughing and recalling when I bought them or who had given them to me, friends, family etc. So, thought I would find the best 5 and here they are:

5 favourite fridge magnets:

1. “I’m still hot, it just comes in flushes now” MENOPAUSE: Don’t you just love it – internal central heating, power surges – call it what you will – it is an unfortunate eventuality for all the female species. The first time I really noticed these wonders of nature was about ten years ago on a freezing cold day; Mr B and I had been out and I was wearing suitable attire for the weather, warm boots, puffa jacket, scarf, you get the picture. We called in at a well-known supermarket on the way home and half way down the freezer aisle it happened. Off came the scarf, tossed into the trolley wheeled by Mr B. The heat kept rising, so I took off my coat (into the trolley) and still the internal combustion of a full-on hot flush kept coming so I took off my sweater. Walking toward me is a man, intently watching my every move; what would I take off next? You could see it written large on his face. I stormed past and I heard my husband mutter to him, “Menopause mate!” The man replied, “Poor you!” – all I can say is it’s a good job he was arm’s length away from me, I can tell you!

Then I found this wonderful comment online that made me roar with laughter……

“My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring so he would be able to monitor my moods. We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond . . .”

Enough said!

2. “I try to watch what I eat…. but I’m not fast enough” CHOCOLATE! This is the perfect remedy for all things menopause related, but can lead to the need for fridge magnet No.4.

Now I don’t know about you, but I love chocolate; one of my favourites is Galaxy (just in case you’re ever inclined to buy some for me as a present) but some days any chocolate will do – right Ladies?!

Recently I became a member of Hotel Chocolat tasting club (I know!) – – and the joy of the tasting box as it lands on the hall floor (yes, the box fits perfectly through the letter box) and knowing that there are delicious wonderful delights inside. I always take my time and try and make the box last all week but that does depend on fridge magnet No.1!

3. “Would you like to speak to the man in charge, or the woman who knows what’s happening?” MEN! I love Mr B very much and we have been together for almost 20 years and I wouldn’t swap him for the world – why would I? He’s perfectly house trained, loves and cares for me, washes up, collects wood to keep me warm, is a perfect travel companion and friend. He is a general all-round good-egg! But sometimes he just doesn’t listen?!

Is it a male thing? Well, having spoken to many of my (female) friends on the subject I fear that it is, though the male species would probably deny it.

I know enough not to ask an important question during “Match of the Day”, nor to mention an upcoming social event when he’s reading the sports section of the Sunday Times, I am not stupid! But when you think you’re having a full on, face to face conversation and he’s taking it all in only to have to repeat yourself a couple of days later is frankly irritating! Men!

4. “I’m on the gin and tonic diet – so far I’ve lost two days!” DIETING! As I have already mentioned, I have battled with my weight for most of my life and I have probably lost twice my body weight over the years and decades. I am currently on a healthy eating regime (resolutely ignoring fridge magnet No.2) and am determined to be a sensible weight for a woman careering toward the big 60! I will keep you posted as to how I get on – lost 7lbs so far!

GIN! – my go-to beverage especially when I am cooking dinner for friends or preparing a Sunday roast, it just kind of suits the mood, apron on, kitchen under control, some music on the radio – heavenly times! I even have a special lead crystal glass for the occasion. Four ice cubes, a slice of lime, gin (any kind will do but I prefer Gordons (presents gratefully received) and then tonic – the real stuff not the slim-line! Bottoms up!

5. “I used to have a handle on life, but it broke” Joan Rivers is once quoted as saying: “Looking 50 is great – if you’re 60” – I love this and don’t tell me that age is just a number – FIFTY is only 14 in Scrabble!

I was quite looking forward to being 50, but as the decade has go on I am liking it less and less as a very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there, and the next day, she was.

She is a clever old lady, and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude. I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back. Ah well, back to the chocolate and gin!

Bye for now!

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